Tantrums

 The methods for dealing with temper tantrums and meltdowns are different than those for dealing with normal anger and frustration. Appealing to the child with logic or threatening consequences is unproductive.When a child breaks down in public , parents feel like failures — we should be able to control our child, right? We see the judgment in other parents’ eyes, and we resent the “helpful” suggestions from the passerby who means well but who doesn’t know a bit about parenting. To help a kid having a temper tantrum or meltdown, the parent needs to understand what the child is experiencing. They need to realize that, presently, this very young person is completely overwhelmed by emotions. The kid having a meltdown has no understanding of himself and of what he is feeling. He feels fragmented and out of control.

Stay ahead of your child's particular needs and sensitivities.

Hunger, over-stimulation, anxiety, boredom and sleepiness are all common causes for toddler tantrums. Match your expectations to the appropriate age/developmental stage of your child. You can't expect a three-year-old to maintain his enthusiasm at being carted around all day long doing errands, nor can you diminish his feelings about not getting that toy truck by yelling at him to get up of the floor and stop crying right now!

Avoid No, Don't & Stop

 Try counting in one day how many times you say the above three words. You may be surprised at how often you are saying "No" to your child. "No's" are sometimes necessary and helpful, but be aware of when you are saying "No" for convenience or simply because you aren't emotionally prepared to investigate deeper.

A child who hears the words "No, Don't, or "Stop" really only hears whatever follows "No, Don't, and Stop." These words turn limit-setting into power struggles leading everyone to feel - out of control. This is not the way to handling temper tantrums with ease.You will only drive yourself crazy. Find the need behind your child's behavior and you will find yourself an opportunity to help him through it.

Connect and make eye contact with your child.

It is absolutely crucial that you get down on your child's level. If you are in the habit of yelling your requests from two rooms away, you will likely have a child who mostly ignores you. Use physical touch to initiate a connection. Make eye-contact (don't demand it) and wait for your child to notice you.Adopt a firm but non-threatening tone that is clearly distinguishable from your normal speaking voice to emphasize impending danger or emergency requests. This eliminates the need to yell. A clear, emphatic, parental attitude and tone will give your child an unmistakable signal that they are about to cross a boundary - but without intimidation.

 Keep your child in the loop.

Transitional tantrums are the hardest on kids. It is not appropriate to expect a toddler or even an older child to immediately stop what they are doing, and change course just because you ask nicely.

Get in the habit of giving your child a 5 minute, 3 minute and 1 minute warning before cutting off the current activity. Kids need transition time. Some need more than others if they are sensitive or have a difficult temperament.

 Give choice.

Instead of demanding what you want your child to do. Give them a choice. Make your requests brief and clear. Don't talk too much or too long. Lectures and too much information cause overload in the young brain. They can't process it all at once.

Try: Would you like to first brush your teeth or put on your pajamas?  

Kids like to feel autonomous and in control of their own lives. Guide them to being independent and self-reliant by gradually providing more and more opportunities for them to make decisions about things that affect them - life, health, play, exercise, school, family etc.

The "Clean your room - how many things can I pick-up in three minutes" contest.
Sing songs as you bathe or dress your tot.
Challenge your toddler to a race to clean up the blocks.
Be silly and creative

Talk with an accent, put a sock on your hand and crawl around on the floor like a lion, sing opera - be willing to use PLAY and FUN to connect.

The elderly people of the house  may have convinced you that your child should "do as they're told, when they're told" and do so without a lot of hoopla. That advice no longer applies, Our kids need to know more about handling life than just our opinions of their performance.

handling your toddler's temper tantrum depends on Your ability to remain calm and creative in the face of chaos and not cower from fear due. You can ignore the steely glares of other parents - they are not raising your child.How well you can intuit your child's needs in advance.

Handling temper tantrums does not have to exhaust you or take over your days. Parenting can sometimes humiliate us, attempt to strip us bare of our emotional baggage, single out all our fears and sometimes make us want to pull out our hair.

"We can get through it." That's all you need to share with your child to handle a temper tantrum.